In the modern day and age, I believe that we have evolved past the need for milk in cereal. I, along with my friend Emma, embarked on a journey of challenging that theory with various liquids. We terrorized multiple stores in order to obtain the liquids we needed, eventually coming to the selection of 9 different liquids. Those beverages being: water, vanilla iced coffee, McDonald’s Sprite, Redbull, Gatorade, orange juice, apple juice, lemon juice, and lastly ZOA energy. Using Mini Wheats as a base cereal (and me switching to Honeycomb halfway through) we started this unfortunate experiment.
Vanilla Iced Coffee: Starting off with one of the more mild ones of liquids in regards to relating to milk, the two-in-one breakfast combo. By far a favorite of mine and Emma’s. The overall rating from the both of us is 8/10.
McDonald’s Sprite: The battery acid of McDonald’s fountain drinks, surprisingly, is a great milk substitute for cereal. Despite the fizz being very uncomfortable and weird, it was a favorite of Emma’s and within the top three of my list. The final rating being 9/10
Water: As a bit of a cleanser, we used water. Water was honestly… not great. It was bland and just made the cereal soggy. Overall it was disgustingly average. Final rating would be a 5/10.
Redbull: This was not very high on Emma’s list, but it was on the top of mine. As an avid Redbull fan, it was an exhilarating combination and a beautiful experience. I could write poetry about how good that combination was. Redbull personally, would be a 10/10 for me, but a 3/10 for Emma.
Apple Juice and Orange Juice: We grouped these two beverages together as their superiority is so commonly debated. We tried both of these with the preference of apple juice and a dislike for orange juice, but it was decently surprising. Apple juice was a perfect combination for the cereals used and provided a sweet and delicious substitute. Orange juice, although not as good, was still surprising. Apple juice was a 6/10 whilst the orange juice was a 4/10.
Gatorade: This one is definitely controversial. If we had chosen a better flavor, I guarantee it would have been much better. However, we chose the worst flavor. Lemon Lime Gatorade was not surprising in the way that it was by far in the bottom three. Overall rating being a 3/10.
Lemon Juice: When I tell you… when Emma made the comparison of Mini Wheats being the pizza rolls of cereal, this was the moment that I understood what she meant. To put into comparison, it was the feeling of biting into a Gusher. I never want to experience the pain and agony I felt when the Mini Wheat and lemon juice combination even came within 50 feet of me. It was a horrid combination of sour and sweet. Ranking at the second worst substitute, a 2/10 rating.
ZOA Energy: To conclude these various milk replacements, ranking at the bottom of the list, is the Rock’s new energy drink. When I say I set my expectations way too high, I mean it. That energy drink was not about drive, nor was it about power. It nearly brought tears to our eyes, but not in a good way. Disgusting is an understatement. I don’t think there is even a number to describe how gross it was on the ranking system, but for now, I think a -150/10 will suffice.
In conclusion, while our tastes differed, Sprite and vanilla iced coffee was the general consensus of good milk substitutes. Society can now peacefully progress past the need for boring milk. This is also 100% lactose intolerant friendly (except for the iced coffee) who personally feel victimized by regular milk in cereal. We hope this helps (and fully acknowledge that it probably won’t)!